Vain

Waiting in Vain, Matt Maltese

I lost my heart for a long time. When I was 27 years old, I found there were many misunderstandings in the Bible. Then I lost my path. Unfortunately, at that time, I lost my lover, who loved me so much more than I do. It was quite sad in January.

Pain make people learn how to avoid it. But unavoidable pain lead to our despirational end. What a life is vain. I've been learned painful truth, but still tried to find lover and reason why I should live.

Purpose of life. Weird. I read a book named "The Purpose-Driven Life" written by Rick warren when I was first-grade at high school student. When I read that book, I believed book's message. In this book, author suggest 40-day proposal to find purpose. When I finished almost 20 days, one of my teacher said, "There is no purpose of life. And this book is nothing." Funny. That teacher saved my life once, when I was 15 years old. But 2 years later, he ruins that message. Crushed belief.

teacher was quite smart and he gave to me love when I was alone. But he crashed my belief and finally he forced his story to be true, and later he apologized for that message.

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

As Nietzsche said, God died. Everything that was like God in my life ended in vain. Even the purpose of life, love, and God.

I'm stupid. I still praise God after many pasts when fate destroyed life. I've been dreaming for a long, long time. I hope this life is just a funny moment for eternity. However, nobody knows what will happen in this world. So many teachers said, "You have to do this!" but they didn't. What an ugly teacher! What an ugly human!

Nevertheless, I proceeded to find my childhood dream. Boldly, I ask God to make the dreams I demanded at that time come true.

Even if there were no God, I would hope to spread the message to the world. I want to leave this place after doing what the world needs. I will go down with my back to the brilliant light when I walk down the stage, listening to the applause. I will go down, feeling appreciation, not vain, where this life ends.