From Now On, I’m Living My Way

After living as an entrepreneur for ten years, it feels like I’ve swallowed quite a bit of the world’s filth. My throat feels raw — if I keep breathing it in, it feels like I’ll eventually break. The world I learned about as a child wasn’t supposed to be this messed up.

I once tried to expand the stage without having built enough strength, and it nearly broke me. I learned the hard way that you have to choose carefully whom to help, and you should only lend a hand when you’re in a position to do so. There’s nothing dumber than throwing your own life away in the name of helping others. I still don't fully understand why I lived so extremely — maybe it was blind confidence, maybe a misplaced sense of justice. I was never cut out to be some righteous hero anyway; I was more like a small bird trying to imitate a stork.

Now, I'm trying to live life on my own terms. I don’t think I’ve ever lived this freely before. I finally managed to get a deep sleep for the first time in ages — but when I woke up, it turned out I'd only slept eight hours. It was almost absurd. After weeks of fragmented, restless sleep, my idea of "sleeping long" barely added up to a normal night’s rest.

I no longer wait around for anyone’s proposals. As an entrepreneur, I heard “just wait a little longer” more times than I can count. "We'll move forward soon, just wait." "Just a little more."

Most people don’t even seem to grasp the concept of being on time, so I’ve decided not to waste any more of my precious time. I can live joyfully in my own way. Some people talk about saving face, but I’ve never been someone particularly concerned with appearances. People who really care about their dignity don't air out their flaws in front of strangers. Looking back, I realized I don't crave dominance or dream of massive success either.

What I truly wanted was simple — people’s smiles. When I was a student, I didn’t dream of being top of the class. What I really dreamed of was friends greeting me cheerfully and joking around every morning at school. Thankfully, that dream came true.

On the other hand, doing business often required me to treat people in a cold, mechanical way, cutting off parts of my emotions — just like how it’s hard for a short person to make it as a basketball player, some things were structurally difficult for someone like me. Believe it or not, I tried my best to create good memories with my employees. Ironically, I’m sure some people saw me as a silly boss who only liked to joke around — maybe even as someone who couldn’t be taken seriously.

As I searched desperately for what I truly wanted, the vision of the life I yearned for became clearer. I'm far from being a perfect person — I have countless flaws — but even within those flaws, I know there are plenty of ways I can meaningfully contribute to society. Things like being able to explain complex ideas in an easy way, or my endless curiosity. I’m not the type to just sit in a room and study like a scholar, nor am I a genius who understands everything instantly. Because I struggle, I explore, and because I explore, there are people who resonate with and appreciate that. It makes me truly happy.

Today’s the weekend, but I found myself digging into Google's internal development systems. Nobody asked me to. The documents are technically public but hard to find — and I seem to have a knack for finding them. I love taking that knowledge, translating it into easy language, and sharing it with others so we can move forward together.

I don't know if I’ll ever end up doing business again, but for now, I’m closing that chapter. In about two weeks, the company I established in Singapore will officially shut down. I have no intention of keeping it alive any longer. After that, technically, I won’t be an entrepreneur anymore — I’ll just be a free agent whose only official income source is a couple hundred dollars a month from YouTube.

What comes next? Maybe I’ll live by teaching. Maybe I’ll work as a professional content creator. Maybe I'll join a team as a developer or a CTO. I honestly don't know. But I’ll throw myself fully into the things I’m passionate about. I'm deeply grateful that the people who believe in me haven’t rushed me. They’ve waited patiently for me to find my own path and get back on track.

In this wandering life, what could be the path to success for me? Maybe it’s simply to live freely, wherever my heart leads. No one knows what will happen there, and it's impossible to predict. But it surely seems better than living as a foolish entrepreneur.

**D-8 until the end of "NULL Enterprise" **